Have you read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp? No? You need to! Her writing…poetic. Her insight…awe-some.
This post is a personal story, but I wanted to explain why this post by Ann meant so much to me. I had to learn this lesson this past year in a real and hard but wonderful way.
If you know my love story, you know it was pretty exciting. The huz is incredibly creative and romantic. Each birthday/holiday/milestone was marked with something that made me feel beyond special and loved and unique and amazing and…well, a girl could go on and on. and on and on. Our dating relationship culminated with an engagement story that takes at least 30 minutes to tell…and if you were a part of it you know what I mean. I cannot imagine a better proposal. It involved everything I love.
I was never the girl who desired lavish gifts or big shows of affection, but in three years of dating, I came to expect these things. I came to understand that these things were the ways my future groom showed his love for me. I came to equate lavish shows of affection with his love for me. I didn’t even realize I had these expectations or what would happen in my heart when they were unmet.
I am sure you have caught on to the foreshadow of this post. As the huz and I settled into married life and the busyness that just continues to compound year after year – well, the outlandish shows of affection became less and less and I started to feel loved less and less. This came to a head when we moved to San Francisco about a year ago. After many arguments, tears and misunderstanding, I finally came to the realization of the unmet and unrealized expectations I had for the huz and how unfair I was being. He also realized that he had kind of set himself up for failure (I mean, our dating relationship was just that lavish!) and that just because life had gotten busy, doesn’t mean there isn’t time for small shows of affection.
I would say that this past year we both grew a lot and came to understand what the new normal is and to be honest, I love it! God is good and he has stretched us both. I love that He taught us both so much this past year, about each other, about Himself and about how wholly we will need to rely on Him as our son arrives in March 2014. Reading this blog post below reminded me of what is important and all that God taught me this year about marriage, friendship and my loving, oh-SO-not-boring husband.